the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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