am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
