my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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