There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone came in the potted fern
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Randomize
