I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
