I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
