I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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