her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
