They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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