Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
