the new term for farting is butt boxing.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
