he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
