im drinking this country out of the recession.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
