i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
