Come see our sink grown plant.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
