This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Randomize
