Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
