Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
