3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
