I could make wine with my vomit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
