Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
