i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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