I hate your face
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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