I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
