Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
