The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
