Taylor Swift is so right about you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
