CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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