I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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