After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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