That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
