just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
