organizing the empties. That sober.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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