i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
