Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
