Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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