im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
