I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
