You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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