I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
