Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize