Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
