Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
