Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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