So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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