I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
