I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
