Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
