i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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