Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
