I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
