Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
