I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
