That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
