I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
