What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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