I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
