I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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